Really, Really, Really Bad Morning

It all started last night. When I got home from work I quickly developed a sore throat and runny nose. Curse our stupid heater! That made for a rotten night of sleep and a bit of a cranky morning. That was probably what set the stage for the rest of my day.

After I got out of bed I continued my usual routine, which includes happily feeling my uterus. Well, I noticed that it hasn't been growing for the past week or so. On top of that, I still haven't felt the baby move aside from the one time at 18 weeks. I am also only a week past where I was when I lost the baby last time. The more I thought about it, the more worried I became. I was unable to concentrate on anything and positive thoughts were beyond my power. It's difficult to describe exactly how I felt to anyone who hasn't felt it before. Everything felt like it had when I knew about the baby the first time. That was not encouraging. I decided I should go in to the doctor rather than wait until my scheduled appointment on Tuesday. Then I remembered it was my doctor's day off. When I dropped my husband off at school I told him I would wait until tomorrow to see the doctor and I went to work.

Once I was at work I called my mom about something unrelated. The conversation then turned to my worries and we decided I needed to go in earlier, even if I needed to see a different doctor. I called them to set up the appointment for two hours later. I had no way of getting in touch with my husband, so I asked my mom to come with me. When I met her I felt bad that I had made her cry. Not that much else could be expected. It was also apparent that I needed to calm down. As soon as you can feel your blood pressure high enough that you can feel your pulse through your entire body at the same time, it's a good idea to try to relax. If that's possible. The MoTab music they had at the store was actually supremely calming and I started to feel a little confidence that things might turn out okay.

At the doctor's office we tried to talk about anything else. Once we finally got into the exam room the nurse took my blood pressure and said that it was high. Ya think? When the doctor came in he asked about my history and was very caring and gentle. Then he had me lay down so he could measure the length of my uterus. When he didn't comment on the measurement, it scared me. Then he pulled out the doppler to find the baby's heartbeat. For excruciating minutes he searched for the heartbeat. He found nothing. Memories flooded back that I wish I didn't have. The doctor said he was going to find the other doppler in the clinic (the one belonging to my regular doctor) to see if he could find the baby's heartbeat with that one. When he left my mom came over to hold my hand and we wept together. All I could think of was that I didn't believe it was in me to go through this again. The doctor came back with the other doppler and tried a second time. It took a little bit of time, but the doctor was able to find the heartbeat. Crying in misery turned to crying for joy. The doctor happily said, "There's nothing wrong with that kid!" and let us listen to the baby's heartbeat until she moved away from the doppler. The doctor talked to me more and said comforting things until we were ready to leave.

Even though the morning turned out fine in the end, I never want to go through that fear again. Ugh. I'm just glad that it all worked out with the baby still healthy and going strong. Mom had to take me out to lunch to give my body time to calm down from the stress it had endured. The whole ordeal left me with a huge amount of gratitude, happiness, and a raging headache from all the crying. Tylenol is my friend.

I have an appointment with my regular doctor in a few days and I look forward to hearing my daughter's heartbeat again. All is well, all is well.