Non-Labor of Love

Well, today's the day. Sort of.  Not really.  Unless something changes drastically in the next few hours.  Today is Maya's due date.  I never expected to get this far.  Experience has told me I would go into labor early.  Ellie was six whole days early and labor started all on its own.  Not so with Maya.  We've stripped the membranes twice and done accupressure or reflexology or whatever it is on my ankles in an attempt to get this beautiful little girl to enter the land of sunlight.  No luck whatsoever.

If this were my first pregnancy I probably wouldn't be so disgruntled.  I wouldn't know that I'd already delivered early or that my body is now further along than it was when I was admitted into the hospital.  I'm at 4 cm dilated and 80% effaced as of four days ago.  I have another appointment on Monday and we'll see where I am then.  There is a fear in the back of my mind that we'll discover my cervix has decided to close up tight and my daughter has decided to make a permanent residence of my esophagus.  Not a happy thought.

It has been a bit of a relief that she hasn't come yet because my doctor is out of town.  He'll be back Monday for my appointment.  However, at this point I almost don't care if i deliver on the side of the road.  I even have stuff in the car just in case that happens.

The part that really gets me is that I got a heads up about this a week or more ago.  I woke up with a feeling, almost a voice in my head, that this baby was going to be late.  That's not anything I want to think about.  It's irritating.  You can't really plan to do anything or go anywhere because "the baby could come any time now."  I've been in "the baby can come any time now" mode for the past three weeks because of what my body has been doing.  It's wrought havoc on my meal planning and preparation.  We have a freezer stuffed full of meals for after the baby comes.  In the fridge we have milk, eggs, and half a watermelon because I don't want to spend money on food I won't be able to prepare because "the baby could come any time now."

It's also frustrating for me because the closer I've gotten to my due date and the longer I go past it, the more likely it will be that I'll need to be induced.  I don't want to be induced.  I've prepared for an unmedicated birth and adding Pitocin to the mix will seriously diminish my desire to skip the epidural.  I really want to see if my body will freak out like it has the past two times if I don't have an epidural.  It's one of those things that I should probably know because I plan on having more kids.  Eventually.  If I get delusional again and think that I like being pregnant.

Anyway, when I got the feeling that Maya would be coming late I had to deal with it and accept it as a possibility.  I did that by telling myself that there's still some part of development she's working on and I'd better leave her to it.  I'm getting to the point that I want to tell her she's had her chance and she can finish on the outside.  But I don't.  I still sit here and wait, letting her stay snug in her little home.  But all bets are off if she still likes it in there after the 28th.  If she's still in there after 10 days I'm kicking her out.