Shift in Philosophy (long)

Last night as I lay in bed thinking about how glad I am that I have a weekly record of my pregnancy with Ellie to compare to this pregnancy I realized that I have been nearly silent about this pregnancy.  I guess I just thought I would start recording things about Maya after she was born.  What's the reason for that?  There isn't one.  I've just always thought of this as Ellie's blog.  I don't know that I want to start recording a weekly update.  Starting at 28 weeks is a bit late, in my opinion.  I will, however, say that it seems like my symptoms at this point in pregnancy are much more mild than they were last time.  Heartburn has been infrequent and easily controlled.  Leg cramps are minimal and can't even be called an irritation.  I just flex my leg and go back to sleep.  Swelling only happens at night, when I've been on my feet and my seat for too long.  I can still wear all my shoes.  I did buy a new ring to wear in place of my wedding.  Better to wear it for a little longer and get more out of my money.  The ring was only $30, but it should last me longer than the one from last pregnancy.  Maya moves around less than Ellie did.  That may be a difference in perception on my part (second time feeling the movements are less noticeable than the first, maybe?) or it could just be that this one is less active.  She still moves often enough that I know things are okay.  Those are most of the differences.

My other shift in philosophy is something I'm trying to do on my own.  Because my body has done strange things during my last two deliveries (hand locking in place during the first and blacking out during the second) I've decided to see how long I can go without an epidural.  I am not against the idea of getting medicinal help to cope with the pain, I just want to see how long I can put it off and if that will make a difference in my body doing strange things.  If I decide I want the epidural, then I'm going for it.

The idea to do things a bit differently came from hearing that sitting in the tub is the "natural" epidural.  After having had two epidurals, I don't believe that for a second.  What I do believe is that sitting in the tub can help to relax the mother, making the pain a little more bearable.  I don't want to give birth in the tub, but I do want to try it for a bit of pain relief.  If I don't try I'll never know.  Anyway, the sitting in the tub was only the initial push into getting a different mindset.  Things changed a little after that.

The day after I found out I was pregnant I called Medicaid to see if I would qualify.  We had regular insurance and two supplementary insurances for maternity, but were too poor to really continue to afford those.  That doesn't include the other costs that the insurance doesn't quite cover.  I qualified for Medicaid and cancelled the other insurances.  We're covered again with Eric's work but we opted for the cheap, crappy insurance until he gets a better paying job.  That was quite the tangent.

Anyway, Medicaid still covers me until 6 weeks or so after the baby is born.  The downside was that the only plan available to me at the time that also covered my doctor would not allow me to deliver in the hospital that has a tub in every room.  The other hospital has one room with a tub and it is reserved for those choosing to go without an epidural.  My hopes were dashed.  I knew I wanted both the epidural and the tub to get me through waiting until I was ready to ask for the epidural.  I started vaguely considering if the tub was important enough to me to try going without the epidural.  It wasn't, but I still wanted the tub.  Luckily for me, the option to switch plans to the one that covered both my doctor and the hospital with a tub in every room became available again.  I jumped on it and switched the very day I got the letter.

Now that the right hospital is covered I feel almost obligated to use the tub.  That may be irrational, but that's how it came out in my head.  Here's where the real change in my birthing philosophy comes in.  Eric isn't so sure about the idea of using the tub and putting off the epidural.  He really doesn't want me to hurt and I appreciate that.  He's also worried that labor will progress so quickly that an epidural will be out of the question.  That's a valid concern and it worries me a little, too.  However, I still really want to try out the tub.  I want to try it enough that I think I'm willing to risk the extra pain and discomfort if I can't get the epidural.  I'm also driven, as I said before, by a burning curiosity to see if my body does weird things without the medication.  When I talked to my doctor about it, he said the blacking out could have been caused by a drop in blood pressure after I had the redose of epidural.  The cramped and locked hand had no explanation that I can remember.  I also don't remember if that happened before or after I got the epidural with my first delivery.

I know from talking to several people who have gone through natural childbirth (planned and unplanned) that you need to be prepared if you want to have a positive experience.  I figure I might as well prepare myself for that eventuality.  That way I'll know what to do to be calm if I can't get the epidural or to just manage the pain until I feel like asking for one.  It's win-win, right?  Eric still doesn't like the idea of me being in pain (neither do I) so we'll see how we can reconcile that with my curiosity.  I'm thinking hypnobirthing looks like a good way to go until I'm ready for pain meds, but I still need to look into it to see if that's really what I want to do.  I guess we'll find out in about three months.