Venting

This week is not the best of my life. I've been treating what we assume is a yeast infection that I've had for a year now without knowing what it was. However, the labs from the pap smear I had two weeks ago haven't been mailed to me, so I can't know for sure. The entire process is revolting and doesn't seem to be working. That's all I'm going to say about it. Then, of course, there is my worry that I did it wrong and it's going to hurt the baby. After the miscarriage I'm scared to do anything other than eat approved foods and take my vitamins.

On Tuesday my jaw began to hurt for no apparent reason. By the end of the night it was still sore, but it had spread so that the right side of my face was numb. I knew a woman in one of the wards I was in during high school that developed a form of palsy when she was pregnant. It made one side of her face droop and sag through the entire pregnancy. That made me worry a bit. It wasn't so fun that I couldn't eat because my jaw hurt, either.

I've also been under a lot of stress at work. The "missionary season" is in its slowdown period right now and that means we have to cut hours back. For me, that means I don't get to have my alterations girls as often. One of them was told not to come in on Saturday. That posed quite a problem as there was more than a day's work left over when Saturday finished. Add to that the FOUR sets of jacket sleeves from Saturday that needed to be altered. Add to that the fact that Monday is the busiest day for alterations because everyone from out of state comes in to get their sons completely outfitted for their mission, so they need everything by Tuesday night. Add to that Monday's being a holiday, making it a bigger day for sales. Add to that Tuesday's big shipment of orders from our supplier with the missing pieces of orders for missionaries entering the MTC the next day. Put all of that together and you have me behind in my work, girls that can't come in to relieve it, coworkers asking me for rushes, parents that become increasingly anxious and rude, and a pregnant seamstress who can't handle the extra stress, the hormones, the worry, the itching, and who can't easily eat to control her hunger because it hurts to eat. Does that tell you about my day yesterday?

Just one more bit to whine about. On Tuesday when one of my girls came in for her shift we talked about what had happened on Saturday when she was told not to come in. We both did our share of complaining, but I'd also had to deal with a woman who didn't believe I know what I'm doing. At the end of the day we write in the log book what we did during our shift. After writing what I had accomplished I also wrote, "sulked and thought mean thoughts." I had entered that the day before. My sewing girl saw that and commented on it. Then I left. Wednesday morning (the one I described in the above paragraph) I came in to see that her first entry in the log book was, "bagged orders that [my name] finished and listened to her complain." That's not a nice thing to write any day, but I really didn't need it yesterday. It was one of the things that prompted me to sit on my little step and just cry because I couldn't take it. I don't care what she writes about herself, but that was insulting, especially since she was whining, too. My first impulse was to amend what I had written the day before to include, "listened to [her name] yell at her mother on the phone...just like every other day." I knew that was just catty, so I refrained from doing that. But it was difficult for a stressed out, worried, hormonal, hungry, and angry pregnant woman to control herself that much. Maybe I should have written that in the book as one of my accomplishments. Just needed to vent. At least I have a wonderful and understanding husband at home to take care of me.